I'm going to return to the thought I had 2 years ago : I want to be the object of someone's desire and to be connected to that person's strength and beauty and creativity. I want the ability to feel passion and desire and intimacy again. I want to take someone's breath away. I want them to be strong I want to be beautiful.
Instead I am walking around always tired and sometimes angry that we are not these things.
I am suspicious that we are wired to want these things.
I am suspicious that is not about an earthly relationship or physicality.
God, I want to be the object of Your desire. I want to be pursued. I want to be connected to Your strength, Your beauty, Your wisdom, Your creativity and sense of humor. I want to feel passion and desire. I want to take Your breath away. I want to be beautiful. I want You to be strong.
I need everything about you, God.
" Send forth Your light and Your truth -- let them guide me and le them bring me to Your holy mountain, to the place where You dwell. Then I will go to the altar of God, to God my joy and my delight. I will praise you with the harp, O God, my God." Psalm 43 something.
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