Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Sound the alarm.


Let me know if you figure this one out.

Somehow, when I go upstairs to change clothes or use the facilities, a silent but urgent alarm goes off somewhere deep in the house, notifying everyone in the household that I am indisposed and that this is The Very Moment that Mom Should Be Contacted regarding anything and everything.

The whole process begins at the exact moment I begin to take off any article of clothing. Just beginning to pull a sweater over my head is enough of a trigger.

How do they know ?? Really, I shut all the doors I could find.

A very similar process occurs when I crack a book. ( Believe me, that is about all I do with books these days ). The whisper of a book opening causes many feet to stampede towards me, bringing tattles and questions and of course many requests for band aids, drinks of water and explanations of centrifugal force.
The only other thing that rivals this phenomenon is getting in the shower. This is one of the biggest Mom magnets ever conceived. The gut wrenching part is that mothers innocently step into the shower under the delusion that they will have 6.5 minutes to themselves, but what actually happens is more like a professor's Office Hours .. a time to really dialog and go in depth on the concepts covered in class. More questions, more brainstorming and no amount of explaining how to leave mom alone unless it is an EEEMERG-EN-CEEE is helpful. Talking about Emergencies only bring on philosophical conversations about What Qualifies As A True Emergency. ( No, a dramatization of Rocky and Bullwinkle is not on the list. Yes, anything on fire is. Okay, I'm done with my shower now).

And never mind trying to fruitlessly call and call people in for dinner. Next time, I'll just take off my clothes.

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