Sound the alarm.

Let me know if you figure this one out.

Somehow, when I go upstairs to change clothes or use the facilities, a silent but urgent alarm goes off somewhere deep in the house, notifying everyone in the household that I am indisposed and that this is The Very Moment that Mom Should Be Contacted regarding anything and everything.

The whole process begins at the exact moment I begin to take off any article of clothing. Just beginning to pull a sweater over my head is enough of a trigger.

How do they know ?? Really, I shut all the doors I could find.

A very similar process occurs when I crack a book. ( Believe me, that is about all I do with books these days ). The whisper of a book opening causes many feet to stampede towards me, bringing tattles and questions and of course many requests for band aids, drinks of water and explanations of centrifugal force.

The only other thing that rivals this phenomenon is getting in the shower. This is one of the biggest Mom magnets ever conceived. The gut wrenching part is that mothers innocently step into the shower under the delusion that they will have 6.5 minutes to themselves, but what actually happens is more like a professor's Office Hours .. a time to really dialog and go in depth on the concepts covered in class. More questions, more brainstorming and no amount of explaining how to leave mom alone unless it is an EEEMERG-EN-CEEE is helpful. Talking about Emergencies only bring on philosophical conversations about What Qualifies As A True Emergency. ( No, a dramatization of Rocky and Bullwinkle is not on the list. Yes, anything on fire is. Okay, I'm done with my shower now).

And never mind trying to fruitlessly call and call people in for dinner. Next time, I'll just take off my clothes.

Returning to a thought from 2 years ago

I'm going to return to the thought I had 2 years ago : I want to be the object of someone's desire and to be connected to that person's strength and beauty and creativity. I want the ability to feel passion and desire and intimacy again. I want to take someone's breath away. I want them to be strong I want to be beautiful.

Instead I am walking around always tired and sometimes angry that we are not these things.

I am suspicious that we are wired to want these things.
I am suspicious that is not about an earthly relationship or physicality.

God, I want to be the object of Your desire. I want to be pursued. I want to be connected to Your strength, Your beauty, Your wisdom, Your creativity and sense of humor. I want to feel passion and desire. I want to take Your breath away. I want to be beautiful. I want You to be strong.

I need everything about you, God.
" Send forth Your light and Your truth -- let them guide me and le them bring me to Your holy mountain, to the place where You dwell. Then I will go to the altar of God, to God my joy and my delight. I will praise you with the harp, O God, my God." Psalm 43 something.

spitballs

Interesting, I ran into Theo's science teacher today at the Homeschool co-op. I asked her how Theo was doing. She said " fine, after we got past the spit balls in my hair last week. " Steam began to pour out of my ears. It was all I could do NOT to yank him out of the class he was in at the moment and give him an earful. I waited until his class was done, and then got in his face.
Me : Tell me about the spitballs.
Theo : WHAT ? I didn't do anything !
Me : Tell me about the spitballs. You know ... last week in Science class.
Theo : Oh. Sorry, Mom.
Me : That is totally out of line, Theo. I want you to apologize to Miss Shelly.
Theo : I will, Mom.
Me : Theo, if I do not hear back from Miss Shelly the exact words that "Theo Barr was the most well behaved student in the class today", I will be accompanying you in the class next week and holding your hand during it. Do you understand ?
Theo : Yes, Mom.

Of all things. The number of times a person should have to be told to refrain from putting saliva laden paper in another person's hair needs to be ZERO. Not 2 or 3. Dear God, let him grow up to be a good man.

Planning as a Life Strategy

Setting up for the week on Sunday night is a challenge for me. I would prefer to squeeze every bit of weekend rest that I can out of Sunday night, but the truth is if I don't give a bit of thought space on Sunday to the coming week, Monday morning runs me over.

Other people, The Born Organized, never even consider NOT thinking about Monday on Sunday. I guess I'd rather live in La La land for another hour or so in hopes of ... in hopes of ...what ? Another hour or so of weekend.

I guess I am one of those people for whom Time is a bit amorphous. I have trouble predicting how long tasks take. I have trouble not planning too much in one day.
I'm learning how to use Planning as My Life Strategy, but it doesn't come naturally.
Very awkward still.
GAck.

Planning as a Life Strategy

Setting up for the week on Sunday night is a challenge for me. I would prefer to squeeze every bit of weekend rest that I can out of Sunday night, but the truth is if I don't give a bit of thought space on Sunday to the coming week, Monday morning runs me over.

Other people, The Born Organized, never even consider NOT thinking about Monday on Sunday. I guess I'd rather live in La La land for another hour or so in hopes of ... in hopes of ...what ? Another hour or so of weekend.

I guess I am one of those people for whom Time is a bit amorphous. I have trouble predicting how long tasks take. I have trouble not planning too much in one day.
I'm learning how to use Planning as My Life Strategy, but it doesn't come naturally.
Very awkward still.
GAck.

Maple rolls in $&!* ... again.

My dear H is a well educated man. Very intelligent. Intuitive. A great listener. But this year he has taken to ignoring that still small voice that tells him to attach our brown furry dog, Maple, to her lead when he lets her outside.

When he does this, WITHOUT FAIL, Miss Maple makes a dash for the nearest pile of poo and rolls herself silly in it.

So, dear H has made a number of ( loud ) promises to never do THAT again, while carrying a very stinky dog down to the basement sink in a towel for yet another bath. ( Ears down, forlorn look on face ... Maple, not him ). And a week or so goes by and somehow it seems like a great idea to repeat the entire process. Sigh.

My dear H has attended 2 major universities and is a bright and perceptive person. I love him and he can give the dog all the baths he wants.

Socks Recall.

I'm not joking about this. Children's socks should be taken off the market. As soon as they are applied to feet in this home, they are discarded and flung somewhere, creating random piles of mismatched socks around the house.

Come on, people. Work with me.

Thank goodness Spring has Sprung today and we can just dismiss the whole sock thing altogether. I am collecting all of our socks and filing them under Autumn.

Speaking of Spring ... signs of life are creeping out of the ground here at the Butterhof. Daffodils peeking out. Boys playing in the mud and swinging on the rope swing. Box Elder bugs and Ladybugs in my southfacing bedroom window. Birds warming up their voices.

A good sit in the sun is in order. No socks.

Theo and the Magic Eight Ball

My son's curiosity would put George the monkey to shame. Heated questions into the night ... " HOW do you make gunpowder, Mom. Is God as small as germs ? How much insulation is in our house ? What happens if it snows on the World Peace Bell ?". Be sure you brush up on NASA rocket launches before you see him next. And what is your favorite element on the Periodic Table of Elements ?? ( His is nitrogen ).

Somehow he recently borrowed a friend's Magic Eight Ball. He has been asking it questions all day. The most priceless moment was when he put the Magic Eight Ball on the piano while he practiced. He ran thru one of his pieces and proceeded to ask the Eight Ball " Did you like that ? ".

He scooped up the ball and read aloud " definitely not ".

" Well, " I heard him reply with indignation. " I liked it. And I know how to play the piano pretty well !! " . So he performed it again for the Eight Ball and asked again ... this continued for a while with various exchanges between Theo Barr and the Eight Ball. I couldn't make this stuff up.